Artsy Fartsy

 Heaven looks a lot like slow moving elders

What kind of heaven wouldn’t show sacred wisdom for a life lived?

What heaven wouldn’t show age cracked hands from pulling babies from danger?

Heaven must have faces that look like used tissues

With smiles like jack o lanterns

Any heaven who would reject our elders is not a heaven i could ever call home.

A life of mistakes and do-overs 

starting from scratch again and again and again.

I hope heaven is filled with half-blind elders, 

so they take our arms and we walk with them again. 

2024

Taught only Christianity

Only white ways.

And now, Generations later

When her golden baked genetics

Have been replaced

With white suitors, white husbands

White to survive

Because Indian was wrong

Indian was wrong

Indian was wrong.

I see you daughters of Cherokee princesses

Holding on to the only story you can remember

Attempting to understand

Atrocity

Rupture

Princesses are given at a young age to be married

To create peace between countries.

Yes you beautiful, abused, abducted child

You were a princess.

And we are the desendants of the rape of children

We are the survivors of Genocide

But there is Power in the telling

There is Power in standing up for our ways

We will not be erased, we will not be forgotten

We will not die out. 

I still laugh often, and deeply. About how silly we are as people

But when you call a redhaired indian a cherokee princess

I don’t laugh anymore

I wont laugh at the genocide you brought us.

And you can’t make me.

2017

 Ho ke-naa-siilh-daa-nung

Yes, i am menstruating

You see even something

That is beautiful and pure

Wholesome

Nourishing

Must sometimes be shed

When it is no longer

Useful.

Ho Ke-naa siilh-daa-nung

Yes. i am menstruating

All of the toxic beliefs 

From my system

I am Nurturing new beliefs

New thoughts

Like the cluster of eggs 

chosen each month

One will rise to the top

And it will be my new direction. 

Free from that which holds me

In the past

In the last cycle

Each month, creation begins new

In my spirit, in my body, in my mind, in my heart

Each month a reminder of the creative energies of my body

Soaring, weaving, dancing, spiriling, falling, rising.

A new chance to move forward

My mother whispers to me each month

Beauty is on the inside they say

And that is why we shed, not like snakes on the outside

But like rivers on the inside

Yes, I am Menstruating.

Ho Ke-naa-Siilh-daa-nung

Nush-aa-nii-dai-yaa-he

I do not know what i will do

2017

The whispers flow through the branches 

in the trees.

You walk on sacred land.

I climb back and forth on the 

steep terrain

You walk on sacred land.

I hear the whispers,

 i see the sacred path walkers, 

walking the same path as I walk

They walk with you, 

sacred and silent.

 I throw the ball at the wall

It bounces back

I exhale. 

I play the game with only myself

My god is myself

And yet i see his face so very

Clearly

In sacred words i call him

My voice answers

I am the god of my mind

And i worship at the altar

of my potential grandeur

I will become the god i prayed for.

 There comes a rushing of wind

I hear it as it races towards us

Do you hear the songs children?

They are the endless songs of the dying

I see a new day

And i will see it manifest

To seek life

You must understand

the purpose of death

You must understand 

the fatigue of endless life

The shame of endless mistakes

The misery of an endless journey

Your breath is faint on the window

You look in at the shiny gift of life 

And convince yourself

Everything would be perfect if you can 

just own it.

Yet-

Yet your life is pain and suffering.

This is the reality of the physical realm

You seek this 

unending

Yet you understand the failing of the flesh

But weave it back together with the strength of the spirit

Endless strength

Your knit your life back together with lies

Until your rugged fibers

Give strength to healing tissue

Then we stand in awe

How did you do it?

Sacred path walker

Sacred path walker

You hear endless cries of the suffering

And you do not grow cold to the pain

You step boldly into the dark

And call out to life.

Dark endless waters of the abyss

I am at peace

Belial is with me

All things turn to dust

All gods wither and die

Belial collects each one

And when the rest is over

He who is without master

Dutifully awakens his children to learn

I move in the endless sandy waters

My feet kissing the bone and glass under the surface

I am not alone

I am completely alone

There is stirring

The children will to arise

To play in the sunshine

It is time to awaken the sun

Belial

Beginning

Belial

All that is

Belial

All that remains

I am the dust of long forgotten civilizations

I am the placenta to new life

If you will to play my games

You MUST learn to move Belial

Daughter, hold the line

Your fear drowns in passion

Your sickness withers in the sunlight

Daughter i sing your song

Daughter turn your face to me

Your love is all i need

Endless dawns

Endless night

I bring the change

And you are a salve to the irritation